Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Give up

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

Relating to the topic, what do I'm giving up right now? Like seriously, what is it?

I gave up a lot of things, not because I'm weak but I had enough of it. I wanted to blog positivity of my life but you know, to be success, we all learn from the lower bottom to the top to be achieve and success.

I'm in year 2 doing degree of International Business Management and I have been busy a lot lately and I think it's been a year I haven't blog anything. Usually I blog what pop in my mind and today I feel like I want to express my thought and experiences of 2016.

We ended broke up. The guy that is like a dream of my life. We didn't manage to continue even if I wanted to. The things is in life that, guys always....ALWAYS doing the decision. One thing I feel about in relationship, it is not fair to let only GUYS doing decision on making a girl to stay or not.

I have no rights to let him stay because I am a girl. Maybe I don't have the right to change him or let him stay because I'm not the one who say "aku terima nikahnya...", that is one of the reason I think that girls can't make decision on making a guy stay in their life.

I loved him, yes I do but I think I should let him go for good. Let him grow up and success. Let him be and chasing his dreams. For him, I can't make him happy. Sometimes in life, we fought, we loved, we cry to each other and we have fun. Sometimes, people do can accepting other people flaws, but... not for long. They got fed up. So i learnt and change. I change not for him, for me, for my future.

I regret but I'm moving on to the better life. People says, if it's faith, no matter how long you both been separated, Allah will meet you guy back. If it's faith, but if not, we still can make doa. But I'm scared if I'm the only one who keep on praying and doa for him but he didn't. well that is personal actually but I'm just wondering... If .. or if not

Things that surprised me a lot that, I'm in love with him but... I am not 100% comfortable with him, one thing, maybe he is just a boyfriend who you don't even know he will marry you or not. Second, you feel so scared and overthinks, until you get mad. Yikes! I do lose some temper but I didn't even want to argue with him. If he's a right guy, he will not join being a temper too. Sometimes, I get the feeling he is not the one for me but I keep on asking him to stay.

Feeling can fade away but now, I'm still love him even if he hurts me and that is not healthy relationship. I do want a happy relationship where I can be as crazy as I can, and he won't ask me to shut up (like my ex does). He thinks it's a joke but... he didn't learn that other people has different kind of perception. Don't think that everyone is the same and can join his path. Sometimes, we can laugh on certain jokes, but if you suddenly being rude, no one laugh with you instead they will laugh at you.

I hope one day he grow up and learn.

We are still human, we accept things and learn. We do mistakes, even so many times.. That's why the word regret exist. We can make better future by learning our mistake.

I hope I can move on easily as Taylor Swift. HAHAHA but ya great thing takes time.